Boobs And Books » Archive
You Have the Attention Span of a Penis
Actually, a penis has a longer attention span. A penis will listen to you repeat, “Oh God, oh God…” for at least 3 minutes. You, on the other hand, can’t get past this sentence, let alone a whole paragraph, unless there’s a word like “PENIS” embedded to string you along.
Sitcoms must inject a punch line every 15 seconds, otherwise you lose your dopamine high and flip to the next pusher to seek your fix. That’s … Read entire article »
Filed under: Education
The Sign: Family Friendly Facebook
I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign…
Aureole! Now! Perhaps Facebook needs to “nip” this one in the bud.
Read entire article »
Filed under: The Sign
How to Pronounce “Processes”: You Want Cheese with That?
Have you heard somebody pronounce “processes” with a long “e” in the last syllable (process-eez)? It’s usually at a corporate “pep talk” where they are describing how their new “process-eez” will turn all the employees’ shit to gold, which is why they are removing the washrooms and everyone needs to bring ziplocks to put their shit in the shit-to-gold bin in the coffee room. Besides having shit in the coffee room — I … Read entire article »
Filed under: Language
The Road to Confidence is Fraught with Cockiness and Arrogance
Cockiness – The Shield
Cockiness is a shield to hide low self esteem. Scrawny, pimply-faced high school boys are often cocky. After all, it is an age of awkwardness. You’re not a child anymore, but yet you don’t quite know how to be an adult. There is also a menacing cloud constantly looming overhead: the fear of being the last one to lose your virginity, if at all. High school girls might be … Read entire article »
Filed under: Life
The Sign: Hearing Aids
I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign…
What were they thinking?
“So we wrote ‘Hearing Aids’, what should we do with the rest of the space…”
Before they put the sign up, did nobody look at the sign and notice that repeating “AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS” in big block letters is probably not good advertisement? They might as well have written, “Come here and get AIDS! (Haha, just kidding, … Read entire article »
Filed under: The Sign
Brokeback Reasoning
For the boys, poker night is sports day. Events usually include, but are not limited to:
Best joker
Best bluffer
Best fluffer
Best belcher
Best farter
The most insightful, completely unverifiable commentary about professional sports
Chugging contest
Vomiting contest
Best “guess who I banged” story
Who has the loudest voice
Who can make the biggest raise
Who can make the biggest call with the shittiest cards
Best psychotic irrational woman story
Please note that poker is not an actual event on sports day; it’s just a … Read entire article »
How to Be a Better Listener: The Principles of Listening
Being a good listener is somewhat of an art. Bunny ears help, but barring that, we can distill it down to 4 principles.
Principle 1 — Silence
If you’re talking, how are you listening?
Don’t interrupt. If you don’t know a word the speaker used, or you were unable to hear part of a sentence because your religious neighbours keep yelling “Oh, God!”, then it’s fine to ask for a clarification.
Silence the chatter in your mind … Read entire article »
Filed under: Life, Relationships
The Sign: Abrasive
I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign…
“Honey, let’s go to the kitchen and rape my carrot…”
Filed under: The Sign
Always Give a Second Chance to Make a First Impression
Everybody knows that you never get a second chance to make a first impression. But we never hear the counterpart adage, which I think is more important:
Always give a second chance to make a first impression.
There are so many reasons that people may give off a bad first impression, including:
Nervousness
Shyness
Insecurity
Cultural differences
They just had a bad day
Unforeseen circumstances (e.g. Your partner’s parents are over for dinner, and the “toy box” falls out of … Read entire article »
Filed under: Life, Relationships
Women Seeking Nice Guys Finish Last
Hi, I’m just looking for a nice, normal guy who’s romantic and down to earth…
Blah fucking blah. No you’re not! Let me do you a favour here and set you straight.
History
You’ve dated a bunch of assholes, and now you’re single. Maybe you did date some nice guys, but you got bored of them, and now you’re single.
Wiring
The primitive part of your brain evolved to be attracted to jerks, while … Read entire article »
Filed under: Relationships