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Brokeback Reasoning

Brokeback MountainFor the boys, poker night is sports day.  Events usually include, but are not limited to:

  • Best joker
  • Best bluffer
  • Best fluffer
  • Best belcher
  • Best farter
  • The most insightful, completely unverifiable commentary about professional sports
  • Chugging contest
  • Vomiting contest
  • Best “guess who I banged” story
  • Who has the loudest voice
  • Who can make the biggest raise
  • Who can make the biggest call with the shittiest cards
  • Best psychotic irrational woman story

Please note that poker is not an actual event on sports day; it’s just a pretense for the other events.

Irrational Beings

I want to talk about the last event: “best psychotic irrational woman story”.  I enjoy watching the transition from guys trying to be more macho than each other, to guys trying to be more bitchy than each other:

  • “She spent 3 hours deciding between a pair of pink shoes and a pair of fuchsia shoes.  First off, they’re the same fucking colour.  But more importantly, she can’t walk in either pair!  I told her this, but she bought both of them anyways and guess what, she returned them 3 days later.”
  • “I licked a stamp at the post office and she accused me of sending sexual signals to the mail lady — that mail lady has a moustache.”
  • “I’ve been home with her every night this week, and because I came here to play poker, she gives me the old ‘you think poker is more important than me’ routine.  I never thought poker was more important, but after that, I think it is.”

With these stories, the speaker demonstrates that he, the man, has intellectual prowess over his woman.  At the peak of this mental penis enlargement exercise, to save everyone from running out of skin, I’ll turn on the testosterone alert mechanism on the poker table: blades drop down from the edge of the table while the legs quickly collapse, instantly castrating everyone around the table.  It’s a voice activated device, triggered by the words:

“Don’t you guys wish you were gay?”

Denial is Not a River in Egypt

I’ve never seen such vehement denial in my life; Holocaust deniers have nothing on these guys.  After a while, their newly formed pussies stop bleeding just enough to really pour it on:

  • “That’s just gross.”
  • “You just want us to be gay because you’re gay.”
  • “You go first.”

Let’s note a few things about these post-op trannies:

  • If they were gay, they wouldn’t find the thought of sucking cock gross.
  • That is, they are mistaking the desire for a desire, with the desire itself — clearly a logical fallacy.
  • Instead of reacting rationally and thoughtfully to the statement, they are reacting emotionally, which is what causes their self-castration.

In other words…who’s the irrational psychobitch now?

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