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Of Jocks and Nerds
Mr. Van Bouten had the most peculiar and baffling problem. At a loss for what to do, he decides to seek professional help from Dr. Baxler who he saw on a late night infomercial. He had to be good; he was famous after all, right? But the help he gets is as unexpected as the problem itself.
BAXLER
Mr. Van Bouten, please have a seat, relax, and tell me what I can do for … Read entire article »
Filed under: Life
The Sign: Wanker!
I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign…
Just having some fun at the local pharmacy.
Filed under: The Sign
The Sign: Backside Love
I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign…
I found this gem in my inbox one day. In case you can’t read the image:
Backside Love — Like anything, you get back what you put into it.
Don’t you love it when the computer makes mashups?
Filed under: The Sign
Pre-roll Ads: A Real Throatjob
The doorbell rings. It’s your first date, and the first time you’re seeing him since he accidentally stabbed you with his lightsaber at the Star Wars convention where you met. You check your lipstick in the hall mirror one last time and open the door with a pleasant smile while trying not to appear too eager. He smiles back, then whips out his hard cock, grabs you by the hair, and rams … Read entire article »
Filed under: Relationships
The Sign: Lure
I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign…
The fishing lure every woman needs.
Filed under: The Sign
ID Policy Helps Minors Buy Alcohol
The policy above, posted outside my local liquor store, is one of the best I’ve seen — not because it makes sense, but because it’s entertaining. And it helps teenagers get alcohol, which in turn helps them get laid, which in turn makes it something I approve of.
If it ain’t broke, well, it’s broke…
Any group of kids where only 1 of them has ID (or is asking somebody to buy for them) … Read entire article »
You Have the Attention Span of a Penis
Actually, a penis has a longer attention span. A penis will listen to you repeat, “Oh God, oh God…” for at least 3 minutes. You, on the other hand, can’t get past this sentence, let alone a whole paragraph, unless there’s a word like “PENIS” embedded to string you along.
Sitcoms must inject a punch line every 15 seconds, otherwise you lose your dopamine high and flip to the next pusher to seek your fix. That’s … Read entire article »
Filed under: Education
The Sign: Family Friendly Facebook
I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign…
Aureole! Now! Perhaps Facebook needs to “nip” this one in the bud.
Read entire article »
Filed under: The Sign
How to Pronounce “Processes”: You Want Cheese with That?
Have you heard somebody pronounce “processes” with a long “e” in the last syllable (process-eez)? It’s usually at a corporate “pep talk” where they are describing how their new “process-eez” will turn all the employees’ shit to gold, which is why they are removing the washrooms and everyone needs to bring ziplocks to put their shit in the shit-to-gold bin in the coffee room. Besides having shit in the coffee room — I … Read entire article »
Filed under: Language
The Road to Confidence is Fraught with Cockiness and Arrogance
Cockiness – The Shield
Cockiness is a shield to hide low self esteem. Scrawny, pimply-faced high school boys are often cocky. After all, it is an age of awkwardness. You’re not a child anymore, but yet you don’t quite know how to be an adult. There is also a menacing cloud constantly looming overhead: the fear of being the last one to lose your virginity, if at all. High school girls might be … Read entire article »
Filed under: Life